I have been in a pretty dark place over these last few weeks/ months. It has been bad. I have been really unhappy and letting other people control my happiness, especially Billy* – If I did not hear from him, I would begin to stress out or worry and think of a million different scenarios as to why he wouldn’t be communicating with me; most scenarios would invoke a strong sense of self-deprecation and bad thoughts about my lack of self-worth but recently I have noticed a glimpse of a light at the end of this dark tunnel. A light that I have seen before and am very familiar with. I am finally taking my life and my happiness into my own hands. I had been letting someone else’s words and actions define my daily happiness and because I had become so accustom to the pain I did not even notice it was there anymore, let alone notice the damage it had been doing to my mental and physical state– but now I have opened my eyes. I am walking out of this dark place and I can see the light. I know that I am worthy. I am good. I am smart and brave and I can do anything. There is nothing in this world that scares me now. I used to be afraid to letting things go, disappointing people and their expectations of who I would become; I had been letting others mold my views on my career or my relationships, but I need to find my own way. My own moral code and my own set of values. My opinion is the only one that matters. “Pleasing everyone” should never be my end goal. So what if they do not like me or agree with my path? It should have no effect on my emotions. It should not hinder my abilities to move forward and chase my dreams. I am who I am and that is enough for me.
Something I am actively working on is doing what is best for me. I will no longer entertain what does not benefit my well-being. I am okay with letting go, knowing that I will be better. I am becoming better every single day. In order for the pain to stop I have to let go of expectations, stop letting others determine my worth, stop worrying about what they think or say.
This is my life, I will follow my bliss.
I am forgetting my obsession with the end goal and focusing on the process. The process of joy and happiness in my life. The process of my career and the riches that will come from it. I am going toward ultimate happiness so if you need to find me I will be there. I am letting go of expectations. Letting go of my future plans. Letting go of the stress and opening up my mind to what is RIGHT NOW. I urge you to open up your mind to the WONDER and the POSSIBILTIES of this EXACT moment.
xoxo – enjoy this photo