Oh a whim, around 1:00pm this past Sunday (May 22nd) I decided I wanted to go camping! My parents and my uncle had just gifted with me a bunch of great camping gear for my birthday and the weather has been perfect over the last few days so I decided to go camping. I wanted to go so badly that I decided I wouldn’t wait for another person to join me and I was going to go alone. This wasn’t the best idea, however it excited me to finally go camping so I went for it. I hoped in the car and drove up to Rainbow Lake campground in Nederland, CO.
When I had finally driven to my destination the road was closed…But I didn’t let that stop me! I parked the car, grabbed my shit, and started walking. I walked about an hour and a half before I decided to settle in right next to a loud rushing stream in a field of trees that were taller than any sky scraper I could imagine. There was a patch of snow right next to me. I finally sat down and pitched my tent which was a super easy process. But once I was settled, fear started rushing into my body. The sun was not going to go down for a few more hours but I knew once it did I would be hearing animal noises and I was so afraid of getting mauled by a wolf or a bear. I called my dad crying because I could not start a fire, I was an hour and a half away from my car and I was alone. There was a point where I was so scared that I debating packing up and going home… When I talked to my dad he gave me some helpful tips that put me more at ease and I decided to stay. (Plus I was more afraid of walking back in the dark then staying in a tent!)
Around 8:00pm I started to shake out of the fear. I wrote in my journal, “I will be safe. I am in earth, surrounding earth’s sleepy creatures and the smell of fresh air. The earth is right below my stomach which I also find comforting.”
I started to breathe easier, my body was not as tense and I started thinking that I was safer out here alone than I would be walking down Cherry Creek alone. I was not able to start a fire so I began to get really cold. I did not have enough blankets or warm clothes but I did have HOT HANDS which was my only source of warmth that night (They were still warm in the morning so I definitely suggest buying some of these). I tried and tried to start a fire but the wind was so loud and strong that it put all the fire out instantly. I did however make a few mini fires inside my tent with pieces of paper so that I could warm my hands up for a bit. After about an hour or so I stopped trying to build one and just let the cold air in. It was a super moon that night and around midnight the moon was right above my head. I could see millions of stars and the moon was so bright that I did not need an extra light to write. The moon was my light source. It led me through the darkness and into the next morning. I woke up multiple times throughout the night to poke my head out and watch the stars twinkle and fade, it was beautiful. And humbling. Once I realized that I was going to be okay, that God and the creatures of mother earth were going to protect me, I felt better, my heart was whole and I let the night flow through me all the way until the sun rose the next morning. I had never been happier to see the morning sun. I made it through the night, THANK GOD – And I did.
What is fear? I think fear is just an imbalance that happens in our body when we put ourselves in situations that make us mentally uncomfortable. But fear really is just a mental image that we’ve put into our brains, it is not real. Fear is nothing but a temporary feeling. And what is incredible is now I am not afraid anymore. I can accomplish anything. I am brave and strong. My soul purpose in life is to explore the unknown, to see what other great loves are out there in animals, in humans or in nature. Everything I have ever wanted is right on the other end of fear. Every risk I take opens up my heart and my mind to more endless possibilities. I know the decisions I make can make some people uncomfortable – Sorry I freaked you out Mom – but I take these risks because I KNOW I will come out stronger than I was before.