anxiety · love yourself · Write

Do Not Panic

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that my body completely breaks down. My mind will shut off and I end up in a panic. A panic that runs so deep that I am unable to think about anything except for the anxiety and pain I have just created. But this had to have been the shortest anxiety attack I have ever had. I am at the office, on the phone with my apartment complex trying to lift my late fee for rent. They charged me the day after Fourth of July which I found unfair but they didn’t seem to care. They were unable to help me and charged me an extra $153 dollars to my account for July rent. Yes, I have those funds and in all honesty if I put my mind to it, I could make that money back quick, but I think I was put off by the fact that it was out of my control. And they said NO. There was nothing that I could do about it and I hate that I couldn’t change this outcome. I sat at work, alone in the office, in tears, cursing to the wind, throwing my fits into the air. I was done. The pain body had taken over. Normally once I start to sob it is hard to stop but today I stopped. I walked around the room and sat in a different chair and this thought crossed my mind, “It is only money..” This is not life or death, this is an inevitable circumstance that was out of my control and I wouldn’t allow it to hold me back from my happiness. Once that thought entered my mind I started to breathe deeper as I sat up and went back to my desk. I paid my late fee and then let it go. Knowing very well that the world will find a way to bring that money back to me. I then realized how far I had come because if this would have happened 6 months/ a year ago I would have called my mother in a panic, probably would have called Emily too just to complain. I would have let the pain body sink in and take over my whole day and my state of mind. But today I learned to accept what is. My joy comes from my ability to let things be. I cannot dwell on the trivial things in life. I cannot dwell on even the larger troubles in life. I will however pick myself up and move past the negative emotions. I will let those bad feelings go and move onto emotions of joy and empowerment.

 

xoxo

 

rocky-mountain-beach-jeremy-rhoades

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