Recently I have been faced with the challenge of choosing my own happiness over the happiness of others. It’s a common pattern for me though. Most of my life I have had this personal programming that I am a “people pleaser” and that I will do anything to make others happy. Literally the word “people pleaser” was my go-to description of myself growing up. Most of my life I had this mentality and usually did whatever I needed to, to feel validation from my friends and family. I hated arguments and confrontation so if one was to arise I just told them what they wanted to hear or did what they asked. It sounds spineless, and it was. Even now I still face this challenge, but it’s easier as I grow older.
It wasn’t until the middle of my senior year in college when something really clicked in my head and turned it around for me. It wasn’t a specific lecture I watched or person I met. I was just fed up. I was tired of living my life based on the rules of someone else’s game. I was tired of having to ask my friends if they liked a person before I decided if I was going to spend time with them. I was tired of having to ask permission to go places, see people and ultimately do what I want to do. I was tired of being tied down and put in a corner, because in this corner – yes it is comfy as I sit in an overgrown sized couch that droops and fits snug to my bum, but – I wasn’t able to see the 360 degree view of my potential.
So one day, probably about two years ago this time, I just picked my happy ass off the ground and walked out of that corner. When I finally sat up I probably was in so much shock that I had to sit back down, but only for a second as I rise back up to a stand and take a look around at this magnificent, abundant, completely luxurious universe. I had made a home for myself in that corner, only looking in one direction but never looking at myself as a whole being. But now I find myself prancing around in different areas of the world. Wandering through the wilderness in Colorado and the beaches in California. Meeting and growing with the communities and natures that surround me. Life has been really sweet to me, ever since I decided to stand up, take a look around and see what it has to offer to me.
My life isn’t meant to go only in one direction, no one’s is. There will be twists and turns in your journey. Maybe during your walk some trees catch on fire, they burn and then they fall right in front of you causing you to stop your journey for a moment. That will happen. Life is going to put some holes you will have to jump through, but when you have that 360 degree view of yourself you find that you have answers and skills hidden deep in your core. It may seem frightening at first, you might not want to look at all the parts of you, but if you do, I guarantee you’ll uncover some truth about yourself that makes you think, “Damn, I am a badass that can totally conquer (fill in the blank)” You have an endless amount of potential. Sometimes you just can’t tap into it because it isn’t directly in your line of vision.